when did i become a mom?

By On March 29, 2011 · 15 Comments

So, the other day I was rocking the gnome to sleep and I noticed he had booger nose. As I wiped the booger off his nose with my bare hand I started to wonder, 

“When did I become a mom?”

I mean, I think I know the exact moment I became a mother, it was either when I found out I was pregnant or when I gave birth. But I don’t think that was the moment I became a mom.

I don’t think I was a mom when they plopped the gnome on my chest in the delivery room.

I don’t even think I was a mom yet when we brought him home from the hospital. I was shocked they even let us leave the hospital with him. Alone, with no supervision.

I know I wasn’t a mom in the first week or two – I was a zombie, but not a mom.

I’m not maternal, I’ve never been maternal. In fact, kids kind of terrify me. But I had this squirmy little bundle of joy in my arms, I had spit up on my pants, and I realized something.

I’m the gnome’s mom.

I still don’t feel like a mom. I know I’m a mom. I nurse him, I change & wash his diapers, I puree organic produce for him to eat, I wash his clothes, I bathe him every night, I rock him to sleep for naps and at bedtime. I am a mom. I just don’t know exactly when I became one.

Other people’s kids still terrify me. I’m not maternal. I have a hard time talking to kids. Most of the time I just stand real still and hope they can’t see me. It works more often than you think. I don’t even know if I like kids. I like my kid.

So, I still don’t know when I became a mom. But sometime during the last 5 1/2 months, I did. I became a mom to the most incredible little boy. A little boy that looks exactly like me and sleeps (or doesn’t) just like me. A little boy that has his dad’s silly facial expressions. A little boy that can not resist smiling when you smile at him, even if he’s really mad.

I can’t wait to have another one.

What about you? When did you realize you were a mommy? Was it right away or did it take longer like it did for me? And, if ya like me, then like me on facebook!



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  • Elizabeth

    For me, it hit me when Lily was about 2 or 3 months old. I went “fun shopping” at the mall… and in the past fun shopping always meant shoes and other stuff that I wanted but didn’t really need. On this day, I walked out of the mall with shoes (for Lily) clothes (for Lily) books (for Lily) toys (for Lily) and not a single thing for myself,but it was the most fun “fun shopping” I had ever done.

    • http://thegnomesmom.com/ thegnomesmom

      Ahh I am still like that. I always want to buy things for the gnome instead of myself!

  • Andrea

    I’ve had the same thoughts. I don’t like kids either and I’m a teacher! How bad is that? I love my baby girl , I love my students but I don’t want to be around other random kids in a mall or public place. I like to think we can be our own version of a Mom, it doesn’t have to fit the public perception of what a mom should be. I tried explaining to my cousin who hates the idea of losing her life to having a baby, your baby will fit into your life somehow and it will feel like it all works.

    • http://thegnomesmom.com/ thegnomesmom

      It’s different, I think, when the kids “belong” to you. I completely agree, you don’t lose your life. Instead you gain a whole other facet of you. Every day my mommy-ness surprises me. It’s added a softness to me that I didn’t know was there.

  • http://crtlifeasweknowit.wordpress.com The Mommy

    I feel like I have always been in training to be a mom. I love kids, every (ok most every) kid! I don’t think there was a ever a specific moment when it hit…”I’m REALLY a mom now.” For me it was a little moments that added up to being a mom.

    • http://thegnomesmom.com/ thegnomesmom

      Me too, it’s been the little things, like wiping boogers :)

  • http://nomethodallmadness.blogspot.com/,http://bigbadmilleruniverse.blogspot.com/ Dawn

    hmmmm…..this one is hard. There’s a line in an episode of Friends where Chandler says Monica, “Is already a mom, she just doesn’t have a child.” I always felt that way. Like I was just waiting for the baby to make it all complete. I’ve always worked with kids and with a few exceptions, would’ve taken any of them home if they needed me. (I even quit a job because one of my kids was going into foster care. I wanted to foster him but didn’t qualify because he was a client.)

    But once MY baby was here I felt a lot like what you described: The first few months I felt like I was taking care of someone else’s child. (It doesn’t help that my son is about 4 shades lighter than me. I keep joking that some nice white lady is going to show up some day to claim him.) But a few weeks ago I looked at my husband and said, “Do you realize he’s ours FOREVER?? Like, he’s going to grow, start talking, go to school, graduate, get married. He’s ours! FOREVER!” The hub was cracking up. I think imagining myself in all those scenarios made me truly realize I was his mom. I’ll be holding his hands when he learns to walk. I’ll be taking him to kindergarten. His dad will be teaching him to drive (I’ll probably have a heart attack.) And I’ll be walking with him down the aisle on his wedding day. Whatever lead me to that revelation, I don’t know. But that day I knew for sure I was his mom :)

    • http://thegnomesmom.com/ thegnomesmom

      “Like, he’s going to grow, start talking, go to school, graduate, get married. He’s ours! FOREVER!” The hub was cracking up. I think imagining myself in all those scenarios made me truly realize I was his mom. I’ll be holding his hands when he learns to walk. I’ll be taking him to kindergarten. His dad will be teaching him to drive (I’ll probably have a heart attack.) And I’ll be walking with him down the aisle on his wedding day.”

      This made me tear up… dang residual pregnancy hormones LOL!

  • AMIE

    “can’t wait to have another one” NEVER DID I EVER THINK YOU WOULD SAY THAT!!!

    • http://thegnomesmom.com/ thegnomesmom

      Why not? This crazy non-maternal mommy tried for #1. Why not #2???

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  • http://ewoman88.wordpress.com ewoman88

    I suppose I’ve had it different from most. I can’t pinpoint any specific time, but I became a mini-mom a few years ago when my mom started leaving me in charge of my 7 younger siblings for weekends or even weeks at a time. I’m a mom-mom now, and I’ve felt that way for a few days (I think) that this is MY baby, that I’m HIS mom and I’ll take care of him and hug him and love him and squeeze him until he protests that he’s way too old for hugs anymore, in which case I’ll do it in a more grown-up fashion I suppose :D

  • http://thegnomesmom.com/ thegnomesmom

    Nah, keep showering him with kisses, he’ll always be your little boy :)

    Congrats again on little JJ :)

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  • Anonymous

    I’m not sure when it was for me either. I mean, I’ve always been slightly maternal. I took care of my sisters while growing up (one was 12 years younger than me), but a mom? Sometime between the first pregnancy test a little over 2 years ago and today, but it has been a long process. :)